Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
