you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
