Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
