3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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