I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize