dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
