you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
