my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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