I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
