Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
