I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
