id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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