I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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