he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And then my night got REAL pukey
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
