I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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