i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
