the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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