It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
