Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
