YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
