either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I wish you could order shots online.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
