you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
