four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
