I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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