The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize