there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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