Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
