So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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