I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
