dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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