I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
