Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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