just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
