The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
