Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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