his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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