Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
