her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
