Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
