i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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