You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize