Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
