someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
