your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
