So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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