I smell stomach acid.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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