I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
