Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Vodka?
Forever.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
