how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
