just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
