Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
