Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
