As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
