at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
