so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
