it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
