Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
