i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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