Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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