Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
