return my video game
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
