One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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