Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
