Dual....:-)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize