You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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