? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
