On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
