dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
