are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Your cock deserves a montage
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
me + whiskey = a bad person
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
