I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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