you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
