How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Oh god it's open bar.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
